Here’s what I know: I know when I die, I want to know I lived. And I mean really lived. I do not want to be scared anymore. I do not want to hide or hold back. I am about to enter my 40th year and while I still recognize these hands as my own, I want to use them…
An email to my father.
So the question as you have posed it is, if I understand correctly, if there is a little drowning boy in the middle of the lake, are we not all morally obligated to try to save him, as long as of course it’s no skin off our nose, right? And this question is then extended out to being charitable, philanthropic, right? Like giving money to those in need? And whether or not to tax said money the way we tax, let’s say, furniture from crate & barrel or cigarettes or hamburgers, right? The for idea being if we tax one type of consumption we should tax all types of consumption because charity is, according to this argument a type of consumption, right? And the against idea being that charitable giving is not equatable with consumption because it is a gift and should not be taxed, right…
I almost hit a man a few days ago in a parking lot. with my car, not my fist. I am generally speaking, a pacifist. minus that one time I threw a stiletto at my alcoholic/drug-addict ex-boyfriend’s head while desperately trying to hold on to a love that had long since departed for the promise of another line of cocaine, I am a peaceful woman. But a few days ago, at 38 years old, I almost hit a man, pulling out of a parking spot, because I was trying to look cool…
I don’t know what to say. I don’t even know where to start. I am staring at this brick wall and I am at a loss… is it a wall or is it a path? Do I break it down or do I keep laying the bricks? Or is it both, or is it all things? All at once…
I am me. I am nothing if not entirely me. I am the sum total of all my parts. I am the sum total of all the things that have ever happened to me and of all the things that have ever not happened to me. (So are you, by the way.) I am all of my thoughts, all of my feelings, all of my accomplishments, all of my failures, all of my attempts to get up again and again and again and all of my decisions to crawl under the comfort of my new cold and clean grey synthesized down duvet cover and hide for as long as I possible can…
This world is ridiculous. The mental machinations and emotional warfares we wage on ourselves are ridiculous. It’s no wonder what’s being reflected to us in the outside world given that which is happening inside us all on the daily. What if we reflected something else?What if instead of reflecting our insecurities and doubt we reflected the truth of who we really are? What if we reflected our unique and inherent magic…
My heart bleeds. My blood is a beautiful shade of deep maroon and it tends to be thick and viscous. I think about that blood as it pumps through me, keeping me alive. I think about what that blood is. I think about my life and how much blood has pumped through my heart when I think about the people in my life I have loved…
